Passing the time with books

I'm still stranded in Kirkland (outside of Seattle) and still without my visa or passport. I won't bother retelling the whole sorry tale here, let's just say I've started to feel like this guy:

Only now I'm kind of deflated.

Anyway, this year I planned to read 50 books, and I've finally done it! Here's the list, by month, with ratings (based entirely on how much I liked reading it):

In bold are my top 10, and italics are the ones that really weren't worth it.

1. The Giver - Lois Lowry 5/5
2. Into Thin Air - John Krakauer 3/5
3. Korea: A Walk Through the Land of Miracles - Simon Winchester 3/5
4. How the Garcia Girls Lost Their Accents - Julia Alvarez 3/5
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5. A Cook's Tour - Anthony Bourdain 3/5
6. A Very Long Engagement - Sebastien Japrisot 4/5
7. Bipolar Orders: The Two Koreas Since 1989 - Hwang Gu Lynn 2/5
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8. Everything is Illuminated - Jonathan Safran Foer 4/5
9. The Little Prince - Antoine de Saint-Exupery 5/5
10. The Perks of Being a Wallflower - Stephen Chbosky 4/5
11. The Geography of Thought - Richard E. Nisbett 3/5
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12. Lamb - Christopher Moore 4/5
13. Mythology - Edith Hamilton 4/5
14. The Unbearable Lightness of Being - Milan Kundera 3/5
15. The Education of Little Tree - Forrest Carter 5/5
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16. On Writing Well - William Zissner 2/5
17. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo - Stieg Larsson 4/5
18. The Man who Mistook His Wife for a Hat - Oliver Sacks 4/5
19. A Walk in the Woods - Bill Bryson 3/5
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20. House of Sand and Fog - Andres Dubus III 3/5
21. Buddha - Deepak Chopra 3/5
22. Thursday Next: First Among Sequels - Jasper Fforde 3/5
23. Gathering Blue - Lois Lowry 3/5
24. Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams 4/5
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25. A Million Little Pieces - James Frey 1/5
26. The Girl who Played with Fire - Stieg Larsson 4/5
27. Maniac Macgee - Jeremy Spinelli 4/5
28. A Corpse in the Koryo - James Church 2/5
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29. The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood - Rebecca Wells 5/5
30. Coyote Blue - Christopher Moore 4/5
31. The Falls - Joyce Carol Oates 1/5
32. Norwegian Wood - Haruki Murakami 4/5
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33. A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius - Dave Eggers 2/5
34. Eat Pray Love - Elizabeth Gilbert 3/5
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35. Just a Phrase I'm Going Through - David Crystal 5/5
36. Unitarian Universalist Pocket Guide - various 3/5
37. The Penelopiad - Margaret Atwood 4/5
38. Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone - J. K. Rowling 3/5
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39. Slaughterhouse Five - Kurt Vonnegut 4/5
40. The Piano Teacher - Janice Y. K. Lee 2/5
41. The Color of Water - James McBride 4/5
42. The Memory Keeper's Daughter - Kim Edwards 1/5
43. Unbearable Lightness - Portia diRossi 3/5
44. Work Hard. Be Nice. - Jay Matthews 5/5
45. Neither Here Nor There - Bill Bryson 4/5
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46. Full Frontal Feminism - Jessica Valenti 3/5
47. Dead Man Walking - Sister Helen Prejean 5/5
48. When My Name Was Keoko - Linda Sue Park 2/5
49. Amy and Isabelle - Elizabeth Strout 2/5
50. Apologize, Apologize! - Elizabeth Kelly 2/5

First impressions of Vietnam

Our bags got lost on the way to Vietnam. And so we had an immediate introduction to Vietnamese service. After Chinese airport staff, who responded to questions like middle-schoolers being assigned homework, it was a pleasure to discover that this loss of baggage would be no trouble at all. They started making calls before we’d even reached the desk and located the bags before we’d finished the form. Our stuff was delivered to the hotel in a few hours. We definitely weren’t in Korea anymore.

The first thing Lacey and I noticed on the taxi to the hotel was the quiet. It felt like it should be loud – there are so many motorcycles and scooters that the cars are like rolling boulders in a fast-moving stream, and they use their little ‘pim-pim’ horns with an almost Italian regularity - but instead it was calm and, frankly, soothing. Traffic in Vietnam continued to fascinate for the whole week, and we never did see an accident. It became clear pretty quickly that, for all the apparent chaos, everyone pays an awful lot of attention to each other. While I never got comfortable with crossing the roads, riding on the back of a motorcycle felt surprisingly safe, especially when remembering Korean taxi rides. And the constant ‘pim-pim’ starts to seem polite after a while.

The second thing I noticed on the way into Saigon was that this was a considerably poorer country than Korea. The infrastructure was crumbling, with cables hung in the most haphazard way imaginable, and the people weren’t all using shiny phones and wearing brand-new clothes. Honestly, I think I would have noticed the poverty less if I hadn’t just left a country where wealth, and the show of wealth, is so important. But after trying to spend money all week, and finding that we still had half our Vietnamese dong on the last day, you couldn’t really avoid noticing that you’ve magically become a rich person. (And don’t worry, Lacey and I dug deep, and we shopped in the local markets until that money was gone.)

Like most good days, that first day ended with food. The French may not have always been popular in Vietnam, but damn they helped out with the food. It seems like these people liked good food before the French anyway, but it can’t hurt now can it? Our first meal in Saigon was at a little Indian restaurant where we were introduced to salted tea, tried our damnedest to spend more than 10 bucks each, and rolled out of there just about as happy as clams.

Lies, damned lies and statistics

Since leaving Korea:

Number of days: 44
Number of countries: 4
(Vietnam, Scotland, USA and (very briefly) Canada)
Number of modes of transport: 9
(taxi, bus, plane, train, boat, bike, bus, subway, car)
Number of flights: 7
Number of flights almost missed: 3
(Of which, 1 was very much our fault...)
Number of places slept overnight (not including transport): 17
Of which, 3 were hotels/hostels
Number of lactase tablets consumed: 25 and counting
Amount of delicious non-Korean food eaten: about an extra 5 pounds worth
Number of times I've marveled at how every coffee shop has soy milk: 100s
Amount of time since it became clear that I'm now 'unemployed' rather than 'on vacation': 2 weeks
Frequency of checking for emails from recruiters: 10 times a day
Level of excitedness about finally seeing the parents tomorrow: very high
Level of sadness about leaving PA: a little too high to think about

It's been too good a vacation/unemployment to sit down and write anything, but that just means I have a lot of stories to remember and scribble down before the grog chases them all away.

My Top Five Koreans

In no particuar order...

Angela - My most adorable student who was the hardest not to steal. The one who worries about me thinking she prays to pop idols and apologizes to my skin when I have sunburn. She's just the sweetest-natured child I've ever seen.

The guy that works in the convenience store downstairs from Lacey's apartment - Unfortunately I don't know his name, but that dude is awesome. He's really old and I think if I'd met him at the start of the year I wouldn't have realised how nice he is because he pretty much doesn't speak to me or Lacey, but he's far from grumpy and he's just a really nice guy. Just the sort of fella that makes an excellent granddad.

Peter - This kid is the archetypal middle-schooler except that he's way smarter than he ever wants to let on. His great dream in life is to sleep for a week, he hates every subject at school and his hobby is 'hanging out' (I told him months ago that only little kids say 'play with friends' so he never EVER says that now.) He, and the rest of 'Brave' class, tortured me pretty much every lesson and even though I had fun in that class, I was convinced they didn't like me. Then on my leaving night, their Korean teacher told me they thought I was 'so cute' and they would tease me because I got so embarrassed. Silly me thinking I was being a hard ass.

Sang-Ah - I sat next to Sang-Ah almost all year, and for most of that time I thought her name was 'Sang-Hwa', what with that being printed in large letters above her desk. But mis-pronunciation aside, she was a great desk-buddy and we had some enlightening chats about things like whether you can 'wear' a backpack and how to deal with our shared class that just wouldn't do their homework. (The class did come around eventually after repeated threats and detentions.) In my last week, she gave me a leather bracelet that I've been wearing ever since. She's the kind of person that makes me miss Koreans a lot.

Kris - Lacey's boss is just about the funniest, smartest and most Korean woman I met all year. She never did let us pay for dinner, and she was always helpful in detangling Korean culture queries. Almost every time I saw her for one of those raucous dinners, someone had a 'Why do Koreans...?' question. Almost every time, she would hesitate and be surprised that this was even peculiar to us. And almost every time we would all leave with a little more understanding than we started with, or at least a funny story.

And a special mention has to go to my mothers' class. For the whole year I taught a small group of the students' mothers and I learned at least as much as they did. Even though the grammar we covered was pretty basic, it seems like we must have touched on every topic, and their lack of prudishness made for lively discussions. I'll never forget how nice it was to have a whole set of surrogate mothers when I was so far from my own.

Koreans. I sure do miss those guys.

Middle School Dating Project

My rowdiest middle-schoolers learned two important phrases yesterday: "too good to be true" and "creepy". I actually made them write down the second one as it was the only appropriate description for the listening in their textbook. The listening being an introduction from a dating website. I just couldn't resist getting them to write their own introductions. Here are some of the best:

Hello

My name is owen. I don't smoke, I don't drink alcole. My hobbies is play computer game. My dream is PCroom CEO. I amgood my. My school is Siji.

Hi. Let me introduce myself. I'm Korean. I'm in 1 grade in Gosan Middle School.

My hobbies are playing computer games, and hang out with my friends.

Of course, I don't smoke and I exercise each day to stay in shape.

I like school. Because my friends are in school and I can play with my friends and study together.

I don't drink, I don't take bad drugs. I like my friends.

And, sometime play sports with my friends.

My favorite subject is nothing.

My hates subject is all thing.

I like baseball.

I'm waiting for your reply.

(This child understood you can lie on a dating website...)

Hi, let me introduce yourself.

I am Korean. I'm 27 years old and single.

I graduated from a Harvard University.

I have big house in New York.

I have much money.

In my house, I have zoo, park, big PC rooms, high tower, restaurants.

And I have very big company.

I'm president of my company.

Hello

My name is Nam Hyun Woo

I don't smoke and don't drink

And I am good boy not bad boy

My hobbies are listening to music and playing exercise.

I'm studen't and I'm don't spend money. I'm usually person.

And My dream is middle school PE teacher.

Let's start enjoying time together

good bye

Random (Random is his English name. I always meant to change it, but it suits him so well.)

Hi, let me introduce myself. I'm Korean. I'm 14 years old and single.

My hobby is listening to music.

I like dance music.

Of course, I don't smoke and drink alcohol.

I'm speak English. I can play piano.

I'm middle school student.

I like doing many thing together.

I like clothes and shopping.

Hi Let's me introduce myself. I'm Korean and I am one grade middle school.

My hobbies are listening the music

I'm student so, I don't smoke and I don't drink soju.

I don't have dream.

I have family. I have glasses.

I like spagetti and cola!!!!!!!!!

I have bug. I will have new cell phone.

It will be good.

Last Nite

I will never leave cupboard doors open again. It's been a bad habit for years but after a good bash on the head and spending lord knows how long laying on the bathroom floor, I think the lesson might stick now.

But that was just the end of the last epic Saturday of Year One. The day started incredibly early – 10:30am! - with a catch-up class at the YMCA. After a couple of missed lessons, we had some extra practice to do, but for once we made it on time. As it was the last lesson of the semester, only half the time was for study. The rest of the class time was spent learning how to make 송편(song-pyeon: sweet rice dumplings traditionally eaten at Chuseok). It's pretty much like playing with play-doh, with all the mess and fun that implies. Apparently if you can make beautiful song-pyeon, you will have beautiful children, so we're all a little worried about our teacher's first-born. Even though it wasn't strictly class time, the three of us actually kept speaking Korean pretty much the whole time. It really brought home how far we've come from those first few weeks when remembering how to say 'thank you' was a struggle.

Next up was a trip to the hairdressers to get my burgeoning mullet under control. I've been going to the same girl for almost the whole year, and while she barely speaks English (“Me English little,” as she puts it) we've managed to communicate pretty well, and this time I finally had the nerve to speak Korean to her. It was great to actually be able to talk to her without making her nervous about her English (which, like almost every Korean girl I've met, is considerably better than she thinks). And I do love how she makes me look like a member of a K-pop boyband.

After a few more errands, and a quick stop home to freshen up (walking around all day in this heat doesn't exactly leave you feeling clean), we headed back into town for dinner at our favorite Korean traditional restaurant. Neither Lacey nor I had really remembered to organize anything about our last weekend, but we managed to round up a few of Daegu's finest for a feast. With appetites satisfied, we moved on to Organ Bar, where we parked up in a corner for the next few hours. The air-con was broken, which is less than ideal in a basement bar, but the superb music and good chat more than made up for that. After an hour or so, a group of around 50 brand new EPIK teachers trooped on in, completely drowning out our tunes and generally taking over the whole bar. Our table quickly turned into a group of grumpy old-timers staring at and judging the newbies. It was just like freshers' week all over again. Look at them all trying so hard to impress each other! And ordering imported beer! And tipping the bar staff! We judged and we felt superior and we remembered what it was like to be bowled over by Korea and, when they left, we bid them a cheery farewell.

When we were finally ready to leave Organ, the two girls at the bar stopped us to say that the Sigur Ros song I'd requested was coming up next and we HAD to wait for it. It being a 10 minute track, we had ample time to chat with them. I asked the owner if he remembered when my parents came in, and passed on their thanks for the music being so perfect that night. He not only remembered, but the girls knew about it too – and they all thought it was awesome that my parents had danced in their bar. Excited though I am about Busan, that bar is one I will miss.

After a quick stop at another bar to catch up with some other folk, six of us wrapped up the night at a norae bang. We went to my favorite one, the one we almost always go to. They give you so much extra time that its nearly impossible to stay until the 'hour' finally runs down. Within two songs I'd jumped up on the sofa and adopted the rock-stance necessary to the singing of power ballads. The streetlight people were there, Lisa Loeb made a surprise appearance, and frankly I don't think Bonnie Tyler ever sounded so good.

So, pretty much a perfect day. And one with a lesson: close the damn cupboard door!

Ch-ch-ch-ch-chaaaanges

Well after all that reflection on seasons coming round again, and feeling so at home in Korea, my school is now in a state of noisy upheaval. I should never really have expected things to stay the same for too long - that just isn't the Korean way.

The school has occupied a full 7-storey building up to now, but due to the ever-dropping number of students, we're moving into the top 3. That means that what was once the teacher's office and a small library now also contains the front desk and reading stations for the students. And some plants. They moved those up today, presumably to make us all feel better about things.

I have to say, at this late stage, I just can't get myself irritated about any of this disruption. I had to move my desk, but really that just forced me to organize some of the worksheets I was planning to take with me anyway. I now sit in Manager's Row with both the foreign and Korean managers right next to me, but that just means I pick up tidbits of information early. I'm terribly hungover today, but hey, that just means the kids get an easy time.

It's also pretty interesting being in close quarters with the admin staff. Of course teachers and desk staff had some contact before, when we need to order books or get pay slips, but we were separated by five floors. It was pretty funny the first couple of days when one of them was running about telling the workmen all about her vision of where things would miraculously fit. It was a little less funny the day there were cables draped everywhere and the workmen alternated between yelling at each other and drilling things. In all the chaos, one of them also dropped his cigarettes, which a child then started playing soccer with.

All in all, a pretty typical time in K-town. Now if I could just get hold of some coffee, today would be just peachy.

Deadlines

Lacey and I will be in Vietnam in two weeks. My first year in Korea is almost over. It's finally started to sink in, and now that we've crossed the deadline*, I feel a lot calmer about it than I did a month ago. Only four more lessons with my favourite kids, but only three more to survive with the awful ones. Undoubtedly, saying goodbye to my students is the part that makes me feel saddest about leaving. On my worst days, those kids unfailingly lift my mood and remind me why I'm here. Even though English teaching involves a large dollop of theatre and acting, I feel more like myself in the classroom than in any other job I've had.

Since I've extended my contract by one month, I'm now seeing the same part of the year as when I first arrived. Apples are back in season, as are the thick-skinned purple grapes, and the cicadas are loud, but back down to tolerable levels (for a couple of weeks they were loud enough to hurt your ears and drown out all conversation.) We've been watching a lot of 'River Cottage' recently, which is a pleasant but frustrating experience when living in a small urban apartment, but it makes me think that Koreans really are pretty good at living 'in tune with the seasons', as Hugh would say. Their seasonal customs are a little more rigid than we Westerners are used to, but they do make a lot of sense. I don't personally understand passing up on the delicious 'samgyetang' during cooler weather, but it is nice that the supermarket changes its vegetable display regularly.

Something else I've noticed: speaking Korean really has made the last few months a LOT easier. Taxi drivers understand directions better, I can ask for help in shops and explain my weird dietary needs in restaurants, signs are no longer a mystery. It has without doubt been the biggest help in adjusting to life as an expat. I'm going to miss studying it back home, and I'm sure that finding a decent class/tutor next year will be high on the list of things to do.

Also, the food situation has improved with time. I still don't like seaweed, though I can handle it mixed into food, and frankly I'm unlikely to ever come around on squid and octopus, but tofu and spiciness are both pretty much non-issues now. Figuring out how to cook at home has been really important too: Korean cuisine is healthy, but wherever you are, restaurants aren't going to be the best place for healthy eating. Oh, and vegan ramen. That's important too :)

I had thought that by this point in the year I'd be desperate to be out of here, but I'm really not. I'm excited about Vietnam, eating non-Korean food and, most importantly, about catching up with people I've failed to email regularly, but I'm also really happy that I'm coming back. Korea's well and truly under my skin, and I'm anticipating major kimchi cravings by the time I get back here.

*I just finished a book set in Niagara Falls, and the 'deadline' was the point in the river at which the current is so strong, going over the falls is unavoidable. Can't find a link to say if it's real or not though!

That vital ingredient in every good night out,

as every foreigner in Korea knows, is the norae bang. The concept is simple: singing along to your favourite tunes with your friends in the comfort of a private room. The microphones add a ton of echo, the videos don't make a lick of sense and at least two tambourines are always provided.

If you've never had the pleasure, it's hard to imagine. As a non-karaoke singer, it sounded so awkward to me at first: singing? In a room? For fun? But from that first weekend with all my new co-workers, I was converted. Belting out a song - even a rubbish song - is just so cathartic. I've come to think of it as communal shower-singing, without the nakedness (that's of course reserved for the bath-house, where singing is rather less common). I guess that's why Koreans only know about the joys of singing in the shower from movies: they already have something even better.

Usually, of course, everyone's a few sheets to the wind by the time a norae bang idea comes to fruition. And, usually, the singing ability ranges from acceptable to fighting cats. But this last weekend was a norae bang experience I never quite expected. We were on a beach trip to Jin-ha with a group of women - including more than a few who had some serious pipes. When they sang the Cranberries' 'Dreams' I was impressed. When they sang Sarah McLaughlin's 'Angel' the whole room was transfixed. No one spoke, no one moved and even as a memory, it gives me goosebumps. Later in the night, one of our singers even had me convinced that Evanescence produced at least one decent song.

Tonight is a friend's birthday dinner, and a norae bang sesh is definitely on the cards, as well it should be. With a new group of folk, it will no doubt be different from last weekend, but here's hoping it's another corker. Happy Birthday Mark! :)

But I didn't pray to him I promise!

My favorite 3rd graders have been learning about jobs recently. Today, our target vocabulary included 'pop idol'. Actually very easy to teach since 'idol' is a Konglish word with an almost identical meaning to our current usage of the word. But, never one to shy away from a chance to teach a little etymology, I thought I'd give them some background. Knowing that at least one of them goes to church, I asked if any of them did. Of course its the cutest child. The one I'm going to hide in my suitcase when I leave.

Soooo, I started by saying that in the church, they say you shouldn't pray to anybody except God, and that praying to statues is bad. Of course, throwing the word 'statue' in there didn't help things. A quick brush past that into a hasty "praying to anything that isn't God is bad and 'idol' used to mean things that people prayed to that aren't God. So the old meaning of 'idol' was bad, but now it just means people that other people really like." Our one little church-goer interrupted me to explain that she has seen pop singers but she never prayed to them! Honest! But really! She didn't pray to them!

Well that'll teach me to start launching into unprepared lectures on word origins to the under-10 year olds. Maybe next time we'll stick to bingo and charades. (But no hangman of course :)

We should reduce our computer game time.

As anyone with even the most passing of acquaintances with Korea will know, this country is nuts about computer games. Sometimes I wonder if the entire economy is run on PC-bangs (smoke-filled computer rooms packed with ardent gamers and cup-ramen) and hagwons (after school academies).

At least one of my students doesn't think it's such a good thing...

I think we should reduce our computer game time.
When we shouldn't (don't) reduce it, our school test score will be lower, and heard parent's are nagging. And when we didn't doing exercize and always playing computer games and eating food, our body will be fatter and fatter. Is it finish? No, when we play computer game time longer, we can get computer poisoning. And our eye become red, so our body will be unhealthy. Do you want to be like this? So, you should reduce your computergame times.

That's me told then. No more Sims 3. For today.

Accidental Ambassadors

As the sun came up on Sunday morning, I realised that, even when it bugs the crap out of me, Korea doesn't bother me much anymore. I guess this is the beginning of the end of culture shock.

I've heard plenty of claims here about people who never experienced culture shock, and I can't honestly be anything but envious of that. For all that this is the fourth (or fifth if you count Scotland *^^* ) country I've lived in, and I should be used to it by now, Korea was, and still is, a shock to the system. The daily frustrations and irritations don't go away, and neither does the feeling of being an outsider. Even my rudimentary Korean skills will continue to surprise Koreans, and I will go on unconciously breaking rules I had no idea existed. But I find it a lot easier to shrug it off now.

I think the hardest thing is something I only just realised last week. Being a foreigner in Korea, a land with such recent exposure to the rest of the world, brings a feeling of responsibility for the public image of all foreigners. Getting off the subway one day last week, I bashed into the back of a little girl and immediately felt terrible. People are unfailingly pushy on subways here, but obviously no one wants to shove into an 8 year old. My first thought was 'Oh no, her mother will think foreigners are such clumsy oafs.' I doubt that she even thought anything of it, but it doesn't stop the initial anxiety: the feeling that one is about to offend and damage a Korean's view of all foreigners.

Without intending to be anything of the sort, I think we all end up being ambassadors. We are still among the early wave of foreigners here, and our behavior does affect how people think of us. I think my feeling that things are easier to deal with is because I feel more at peace about that role. That doesn't mean I never ignore rules of etiquette in public, frankly that would be too hard, but I accept that it is what it is. Some people will think badly of me because I'm a foreigner, and some won't. As my mom always used to say, “You can't change what other people will think.” Even if that movie says you can :)

I will never complain about Scottish weather again.

In the last week or so, Lacey and I have booked our flights for our end-of-contract trip. I can't even express how excited I am. Non-Korean food! Clothes that fit! No language barrier! For weeks on end! Eeeeeeee! So if anyone will be around Glasgow or Edinburgh between the 20th and 29th of September, let me know – want to catch up with as many folk as possible! That's in between consuming huge amounts of potato scones and Fry's Chocolate Creams mmmmmmmm........

So that means that in between teaching, complaining about the hot weather, and laying semi-comatose under my air-conditioner, I have a lot to do before my contract finishes on September 10th. Visa forms to be completed, an FBI check to arrange (including a rather fruitless trip to the police station) and a place to store my stuff while I'm back home. Oh, and a way to move the stuff I still have stored in Scotland. A small price to pay for such a great year. I have had down days about Korea, I think all expats do, but she's been good to me, and I'm really excited about Busan (and the beaches!) next year. And hopefully a little less time on the subway. :)

A couple of quotes from moody middle-schoolers:

I never start to dance before tomorrow.

I tried studying last year. (I guess it didn't work out...)

And, a 'gloomy' dialogue from Julia in Twinkle class, author of the knitting pirate story. This assignment was very open-ended so I take no credit for any of it!

Characters: Kavin – 15, boy, smart, don't have friend;
Jack – 15, boy, good at sports, don't have father
Setting: At the school. In lunchtime. In cafeteria

Kavin: Today, I am again to eat lunch alone. Why don't I have many friends?

Jack: Hello, Kavin? Why does you eat alone? Can I sit here?

Kavin: Oh, Yes. I always welcom! Friends are hate me. I eat everyday alone.

Jack: That's to bad. It's secret. I don't have my father. He die to some car accident.

Kavin: Really? Oh...

(They're crying)

Jack: So, I want to make many friends. They can make me fun. Do you want to me to friend?

Kavin: Yes I want.

Jack: Good! Now we're friend!!

The Pervs are OK

So my rowdiest middle-school class were talking about their Korean teacher in class today. I have shared quite a few classes with their teacher over my time here, and I know her to be kind and popular with the students. Still, I wasn't surprised these guys were saying that she is very strict and always hits them. And that (of course!) they are perfect students who never do anything bad to cause this. Then the instigator of the conversation leaned back, put his hands behind his head, and said '변태' (byeon tae), or in English, pervert. He was rather taken aback that I understood the word, and someone else started explaining that the teacher was always touching them for no reason. It was very obvious that they were joking, but my Western sensibilities panicked. This would be serious stuff back home!

So in the break between classes, I asked our Korean manager what I should do. She chuckled, and said I should just let the teacher know, and she could deal with them. So, right before the next class, I did. When some of the other students realised what was happening, the boy in question ran into the hall and threw himself on the floor in a hugely entertaining display of humility.

It seems that in Korean, calling your teacher a pervert is just part of the usual banter. Glad to have that one cleared up.

A Heartfelt Apology

Today, one of my cheekiest third graders drew a picture of me and another teacher and wrote 'They are kissing'. Suffice to say, we are not kissing. When I asked her to leave the classroom, she refused. Instead of attempting to drag her out, I went for guilt and told her that it made me sad and upset. (She wouldn't understand 'I'm disappointed in you' quite yet.) I thought she would run away after class, but she came upstairs for her punishment: completion of a rather well-designed discipline sheet.

What did you do? I do on paper. I drawing.

Why did you do that? Because I'm boring.

Is your behavior good or bad? Why do you think so? bad. Because I didn't do study.

If you do the same thing again, what punishment should you get? I will have another homework make ten sentences.

To your teacher,

To teacher. I'm sorry. Because you will sad. But I'm only playing. Sorry to study. But I'm boring to study for long time. and I did a lie. So next day don't sad at me. I will good at you.

ByeBye
from Sally

Before I forget to remember

As an English teacher and resident of Korea, one sees and hears amusing things pretty much daily. Here's some recent highlights:

Adult student asking what the difference is between 'sheet' and 'sheet' – you know, s-h-e-e-t and s-h-i-t.

Middle school student asking why 'motherfather' is a swear word.

Respectable middle-aged lady wearing a t-shirt that said “I love my hooker”.

Adult student explaining that she thinks drizzle is 'so romantic'. I guess rain has different meanings for different people.

My Korean tutor asking in a text message for my “girl (couple) friend's phone number”.

Two elementary students hiding in a balcony outside the classroom. They climbed through a gap about 8 inches wide to do so. Healthy and Safety?....in Korea? Hmmmm...

And an excellent story from another elementary student. The task was to write about a pirate who loves to knit, but she made it so much more creative than that:

In a ocean there is one ship. The ship, it is pirate ship. But there are very quiet. That time flow out beautiful song in pirate ship. We are surprize and go to nearby the ship. We are suprize one more time! because pirate knit sit on the chair. They see we, they're stand up and say “Welcome to pirate ship!” They bring some food and some drink. One pirate come to me and whisper “Help me please. Chief very love knit, so we're knit too. You convince my chief.”

We're going to the chief room. In room chief knit very beautiful cloth. We say “Why do you love knit?” he answer “It's beautiful” and “It make my hand doesn't steal the other person's thing.” We agree his answer and come out his room. We tell chief's mind. They're agree too so we're leave pirate ship.

Climbing, K-style

After work last night, Lacey and I went to the local climbing gym in Siji for some much needed exercise. We used to go in the mornings (well, lunchtime, but that's morning for us) but schedule changes have made that impossible for the last couple of months. Even though it meant a very delayed dinner, going in the evening meant we actually got to meet some of the local climbers and see them in action. Chubby beer-swillers they are not. Well, maybe not the beer part...

Koreans never do anything by halves. Studying, hiking, golf, drinking, school testing...it seems everything is taken further and faster than back in the slow-moving West. When a Korean likes a sport, they practice All the Time, wear all the Right Gear - and they improve quickly. The studying regime, and drinking habits are well known aspects of modern Korean culture, but they fit into a broader context than I first realised.

So I guess it shouldn't be surprising that every one of the 5 or 6 climbers we saw last night was of a standard far above the average climber at Ibrox. I can't say anything about their rope-work as its a bouldering gym (though one guy was practicing clipping in with a rope tied around his waist) but their strength and all-round athleticism certainly is impressive. It reminded me of a training article by Dave MacLeod where he talks about how a lot of climbers are limited simply by being surrounded by climbers of their same level and so they don't feel the need to push themselves. While I'm nowhere near the peak of fitness, I did find myself pushing harder just by having harder climbers in the same gym, something I rarely did during our quiet morning sessions.

But what about 'traditional climbing' and the philosophy that goes with it? I've accepted that I probably can't continue my apprenticeship in Korea, and I doubt it's something that would even have much meaning here. Nature and wilderness are not revered in the way that they are in the UK, and especially Scotland, so of course the climbing culture is different. While I can't imagine sport-climbing beating the elation of completing a gruelling multi-pitch climb on the Cuillin Ridge, it was a fantastic way to spend a week in El Chorro. And indoor climbing, despite its limitations, undeniably builds fitness and strength.

As we were leaving last night, our new friends told us to come back soon. And drink some beers. While climbing. Oh Korea :)

Got canned heat in my heels tonight

Sometimes it's hard to choose the best moment of the night. Was it dancing like a broken doll to Lady Gaga's opus 'Bad Romance'? Eating vegan chocolate cake with a wickedly creamy filling? Watching Lacey jump around a nearly deserted dancefloor and wondering what ever happened to Jamiroquai? Or sitting on the kerb outside the biggest foreigner bar while all of Daegu's colourful characters came out to play?

Last night was one for the books for sure. Our friend Cat had her 30^th birthday celebration, starting at Daegu's most fabulous French and Mediterranean restaurant, Dijon. Due to budgetary restrictions, Lacey and I were restrained in our ordering, but the food was delicious and the chat was lively. We moved on our favorite home of drinks in bags to start some dancing, which went on for lord knows how long. When we thought we lost everyone, we wandered upstairs and meandered towards another bar and the kebab shop. (Yes, Daegu has a kebab shop now. All the comforts of home.) Then we heard that a dance party with a group of gay guys was underway back at Gogo, and so returned to catch the tail end, and close the bar with whatever music we wanted for the next half hour. Lacey and I were regulars at Gogo when it first opened, and before it got really popular, so it was like old times to take control of the music and dancefloor again.

We then went to sit on the kerb outside Thursday Party: the best spot to watch the madness unfold. We met an Irish girl with her leg in a cast who told us the story of each ankle: the bandaged one was pretty boring, but the other was broken by moonwalking. A smiley Korean guy who just finished his military service sipped water next to us until he'd recovered enough to return inside. A GI joined us for a while, and asked if maybe we would be going back to his hotel, but seemed unperturbed when we declined. And a usually friendly girl threw her beer on a guy who probably deserved it. Eventually it was time to be driven home by a pleasingly sober taxi driver.

Animals in Korea

A while ago, Lacey and I went on a dog walk with the local dog and cat shelter. The experience was both fun, and emotionally draining. We haven't been back, and I'm honestly not sure that I want to - and I say that as someone who loves taking dogs for a walk. One of the things about Korean culture that I just can't accept is the attitude towards animals. I don't know what underlies this way of thinking, nor can I describe it, so I'll just say that I feel a little queasy when my students tell me that 'all animals are dirty'. This weekend, my friend and co-worker, Mark, went on another dog walk. I think he sums it up better than I can.

In other news, my parents will arrive in Daegu tomorrow! I know I never update this, so maybe their arrival will spur me on to write something soon... Hope everyone is having a lovely spring!

Gaysplosion!

When we were about 13, my friends and I started going shopping (without parents!) in Leicester and later, Birmingham. Even though we mostly spent our time in Topshop and Miss Selfridge, the real draw for me was the excitement of being in a bustling, noisy city. Compared to the suburbs, Leicester was a thrilling assault to the senses, and I loved everything about it. As I'm sure most of you know, Leicester and Birmingham are two of the most multi-racial cities in the UK, and both are heading for so-called 'minority-majority' status. So from the very beginning, I thought of cities as melting pots. Years later, when I moved to Edinburgh, I remember being surprised at how white it is: 'sameness' just isn't a word I associate with cities. Unsurprising then, that Glasgow felt more comfortable to me.

Daegu is certainly more like Edinburgh than Glasgow: its a Conservative city, as well as a conservative one. I knew this before I moved here but, like most things I 'knew' before I came to Korea, it took me a long time to actually understand it. Most of the time it's no big deal, and the high concentration of teachers in Siji sometimes masks it, but any visit to Seoul is an immediate reminder of what a truly cosmopolitan city feels like. Rather like the trip to Japan, I'm amazed at how somewhere so foreign can feel so comfortable and normal just by encompassing different cultures. Sometimes all it takes is hearing people speak Arabic, and being able to buy couscous and vegan cookies to feel at home. Oh, and the gay bars help too. I almost forgot about those.

There's an area in Itaewon (the foreigner district of Seoul) known as 'homo hill'. The bars are small, the sound systems suck, and the drinks are overpriced, but there's no denying the fabulousness. While dithering over which bar was best, we were beckoned into one by a giant of a man wearing exquisitely applied make-up. He immediately asked if we were 'lejbian' and informed us that he was 'super bottom'. He then started his own 'booking club'* by getting all the girls to sit together, and telling everyone to talk. Luckily, the Koreans we sat with were very friendly, and one of them was an English teacher so helped translate. The conversation was certainly enlightening for foreigners and Koreans alike about the differences in gay-cultue. They were astounded that all of our famillies knew about us dating girls, while our jaws dropped when our translator told us she was married to a gay man, and hopes to be able to live with her girlfriend 'in a year or three'.

By then, the dancefloor was calling, so we relocated to one of the nightclubs. Koreans don't ever really do 'playing it cool', and they LOVED the music (100% K-pop of course). By the time we left, there really was a gaysplosion outisde: the hill was packed with happy queens of every color. I guess I used to think gay bars were all seedy and meat-market-y, and while I'm sure some of them must be, so far it's been the opposite: the atmosphere is more friendly and welcoming than in most 'straight' bars and clubs.

*'Booking clubs' or 'nightclubs' are bars where men pay for women to sit with them and chat.

What about me? I don't think both are right.

About a month ago I lost one of my favourite classes, and I started a rather sentimental post about them. Then after only a few weeks, I got the class back again, so no need for mawkishness! I will simply say that I am way too maternal about one little girl with awful spelling whose cuteness is just too much to bear. Here's her writing about 'Life on Mars'.

Mark (Mars)

Diray

0/00/0 day

I want to the Mark that people looks like opcatos (octopus). They so kind. They eat same our's food. That city like our's city They just different face. The big mart is F-mart I eat a suger Every people is eat suger or drank water It's so tasty. That is so cold. It's -40C but Mark people is not cold That season is summer thay think It's so hot. because The Mark is far to sun then our's star.

Another student who left a while ago is from the other end of the spectrum in a lot of ways. Roger is an awkward teenager and he's a bit of an odd duck, but he was a great character and his writing was always very creative and interesting. I can't remember the exact assignment for this one - something to do with words that are difficult to define - but some background info is needed. All middle-school students in Korea have the same hair cuts: girls have a chin-length bob and straight cut fringe, and boys have short hair. Short hair for boys seems pretty normal I guess, but the average boyband looks like this:

So the end of elementary school is pretty traumatic for some of the boys and their beloved fringes. I doubt Roger was among them, and he must be used to it as he's in his last year of middle-school, but as usual he had his own unique perspective.

There are many students who want to cut their hairs freely. And, also there are many adults who want to cut student's hair short.

Students think that it should be free to cut their hairs freely. In some schools, students grow their hairs, even the techers gave them punishments. They said 'It's my decision, not teacher's' and, 'Can't I grow my hair? Why? It's my hair, my!'

On the other hand, some adults think that students hair should be neat. They sometimes say bad words to students, also they think students who grow their hairs are bullies, and bad students.

Students define that 'grow hair is free' and adults define that 'student's hair should be neat!' What about me? I don't think both are right. I think they should try to understand each other.

Don't you have marijuana?

I guess I should expect this question from immigration officials. I do still have that Dutch residence permit in my passport after all.

So, Japan. Wow. Everyone said it was amazing, but wow. I think I'm in love. It's not like Korea – it's better. The people are more polite: they don't drive like maniacs, or push in front of you, or gawp at foreigners, and they just seem awfully happy. And the buildings look different from each other, and the trees are not all the same, and everything is pretty and the food is marvellous and I want to live in Nagasaki.

Having said all that, on my walk home this afternoon, I remembered what I love about my adopted home. Korea might be a whiny little so-and-so with an awfully big chip on her shoulder, but she has her charms, and I hope I'm forgiven for my fling with Japan. Because I can't promise I won't stray again.

I guess the first thing Lacey and I noticed about Fukuoka was that it felt like home. Japan felt more Western, and more cosmopolitan than Korea. Miracles have happened in the Korean economy, but it is called the 'Hermit Kingdom' for a reason. Fukuoka, and to an even greater degree, Nagasaki, are old port cities, with long-established ties to other cultures. We saw fewer foreigners in both cities than in Daegu, but were stared at much less. There was less English around, but the English we heard and read was more accurate, and somehow communication seemed easier. There were a bunch of Starbucks and various branches of Western clothing stores, but somehow everything was still very Japanese. It felt like Japan has come to terms with its relationship to the West, while Korea still has a rather passive/aggressive thing going on.

Our first day in Fukuoka was exhausting. We got free 15-minute full-body massages from armchairs, window-shopped in a big Vegas-style shopping mall with a canal, took a detour along the river to walk by the famous ramen food stalls, got rained on and lost looking for a place to eat, and finally sat our tired selves down at the counter of a sushi restaurant. I know its obvious that freshly made sushi, in Japan, would be more delicious than anywhere else, but this really was superb. There were a couple slightly weirder ones, but I thought all the seafood was delicious, and I couldn't get over how tasty the rice was. Then, however, came the giant egg-fest. This was basically a large cube of cold omelette stuffed with a little rice. Despite recent adjustments of palate, I still don't love egg, and it was just too much for me. I struggled it down, and only retched once, but my efforts did not go unnoticed by the chefs, and caused quite a lot of merriment. I explained that I just wasn't keen on egg, and Lacey ate my second piece, so we all left happy. Oh, and this was all served with fish-head soup. I didn't spot that it was actually a head until I'd almost finished, which I'm rather relieved about, because I might have freaked out and not eaten something delicious.

Second day was Nagasaki, my new favorite city. The atom bomb was dropped on a neighbourhoood called Urakami to the north of the city's centre, and there's now a large park and museum there. The museum was emotionally draining (how could it not be?), but not heavy-handed, and somehow the city has taken something positive from something so horrific. By the time we got back to the city centre, we thought it was too late to see the temples, but no, we were in for quite the treat. Turns out Nagasaki was having its annual Lantern Festival, and the temples were therefore open late – and Sofujuki even had free entrance! So not only did we see the temple, we saw it by lantern light for free. Oh, and a very cute Japanese lady gave us rice dumplings stuffed with sweet sesame paste.

Yesterday started a little later, as we'd done so much walking and needed a rest. We tried to find a 1950s style diner for breakfast, but were informed by a very friendly businessman that it had gone bankrupt. He then walked us to a nearby Italian bistro. From there it was a pleasant stroll to the Fukuoka Asian Art Museum. Another excellent museum with well laid-out exhibitions and interesting stuff to see. My favourite piece was an interactive video piece where you could control a group of girls in military clothes (all actually the artist) – political, accessible and fun. My kind of art. The afternoon was saved for shopping and spending the last of our yen, but having found ourselves surrounded by adorable but unaffordable clothes, we went for noodles instead. Fukuoka is famous for its pork ramen, and we went to a restaurant we'd seen with people queue in the rain for. We chose the one described as having the elusive 'umami' flavor, and I was absolutely blown away: Wagamama this was not. The last of our yen, or so we thought, went on beers. I feel like I always try to buy things like clothes, and end up just eating and drinking delicious things instead.

When we got to the ferry terminal this morning, we found out that the fuel surcharge is actually only 1,000yen, instead of 10,000yen. Another happy surprise to top off a stupendous weekend. Here are some pictures.

Konglish phrasebook

• cunning = cheating, copying
• tree's hand = branches
• Finishee!!!! = “Teacher, I have completed my work.”
• pishee = fish
• Dangerous pishee = Judy's favorite animal
• leally = really
• aaaaashhhhh = “Heavens, I'm not happy about that.”
• d-d-o-n-g = always spelled out, poop
• yellow water = take a wild guess
• Oh your goodness! = creative children using my own verbal ticks against me
• teacha = me
• momomo = blablabla
• very so so = a feeling of strong indifference, a widespread affliction
• short-uh tuh-rack-uh = the most important Olympic sport
• very terrible = pretty much the worst thing ever
• apartuh = apartment
• salaryman = businessman, every student's dad's job
• crajee = crazy, the funniest word in English
• Howbounyou? = And how about you?
• Babariman = 'Burberry man' = a flasher wearing a trench coat
• bopeepbopeepbopeep = a manic shepherdess, thank you K-pop
• sorrysorrysorry = also from a song, never sincere and always found in triplicate
• I don't ca-a-a-a-a-are = the worst of the bunch, used in response to any number of questions
• Do you wanna die? = “I'm not fond of that idea. Perhaps you might reconsider?”
• Gondam = little robot models, reminiscent of 'World of Warcraft'
• Jenny eat a maaaany suga = “Jenny is a tad hyperactive today due to candy consumption.”
• arabituh = part-time job, no student will ever believe this isn't an English word
• nightuh-cuh-lub = a semi-shady establishment where men pay to be seated with women

Korea puts on a show

I know I'm not the first to observe that Glasgow seems to 'put on a show' for new people: it seems that on your first trip, chances are you will witness something stereotypically Glaswegian, like a fight in the street, or someone waving a bottle of Buckfast. Well, this weekend Korea put on quite the show. There are definite similarities: public alcoholism and black-outs spring to mind, but I've never seen a man walking down the street with a golf club, periodically stopping to practice his swing, anywhere else. The black-out we saw was actually kind of sweet: it seemed the young man in question had started out sitting in a doorway and just laid down for a snooze. His friends had covered him with a coat, and patiently stood guard.

Indeed, Saturday was full of “only in Korea” moments, including one probably-drunk taxi driver, another friendly driver who seemed to have issues with clean things (driving gloves and a dish-cloth over the gear stick), and a karaoke singer who demonstrated a sincerity and unselfconsciousness usually reserved for bathroom mirrors and hairbrushes. Like the man with the golf club, he was totally absorbed in what he was doing, and loving every minute.

But the best part of the 'show' was Sunday evening, at the jjimjilbang. After an afternoon hike, a long overdue visit to the bath-house was in order. Its a big part of the culture here, and the only reason I put it off was the small matter of getting naked in front of bajillions of strangers. Memories of awkward gym-class changing rooms really had me worried, especially given that, as a foreigner, one does get stared at in the street. When one has clothes on. So it was with not a little trepidation that we approached the local bath-house, Worldpia.

Aafter some awkwardness at the front desk, and payment of the entrance fee – a whole 4,500won (about £2.25) - we walked into the changing rooms with our tiny towels and wash bag. Being clothed was actually really awkward: everyone else was naked, so it all made more sense once disrobed. Before soaking in the baths, everyone has to shower, and a lot of people brush their teeth too (in the shower). The shower part was relaxing in itself: the water pressure was fantabulous and doing something so ordinary made the whole thing less intimidating. Plus, it quickly became clear that staring really wasn't going to be an issue. Next was a good soak in the 40ºC bath, followed by an outdoor mineral spa (in an enclosed balcony). While soaking, two young girls next to us consulted for a few minutes, before politely asking where we were from, in very good English. Their teacher should be proud. (Their cuteness was later matched by a little girl who was so animated and serious while talking to herself that it looked like an audition for a K-drama.) We also tried a sauna, but the coolest one, also at 40ºC, was bearable for only a few minutes and a quick dunk in the freezing cold pool was needed to recover.

After so much soaking and steaming, it seemed appropriate to get into the Koreans' favourite bath-time activity: scrubbing the bejeezus out of your skin. This is clearly a crucial part of the jjimjilbang experience and everyone gets into it: mothers scrub daughter's backs, grandmothers scrub mother's backs and everyone generally shows serious commitment to the removal of dead skin cells. It really does leave your skin feeling super wonderfully soft.

Dried off, and once again clothed, I left the jjimjilbang feeling like I was in a cosy cocoon. Everything felt a little softer and a little kinder. It really does a person good to spend hours just relaxing with others, and without worrying about what you look like. Without doubt, the best 2 quid I've spent in a long time.

Mrs. Squarepants

Seeing as how I never update this, and all I do is teach and talk about my students, here's some more of their writing. These are both from a test I gave a while ago to 'Twinkle' class - a lively and bright group of 5th grade girls. A few weeks ago, Jenny stuck a Spongebob sticker on a worksheet about your 'Perfect Husband'. The jokes about her marriage to 'Spongie-bob' have yet to grow old for the students, or indeed their teacher. I think my mental age might have regressed somewhat in Korea.

This first one is from a student who has since left the academy. She was always rather sullen in class, and the Korean teacher described her as moody and dramatic. Put simply, she's an emo kid at the ripe old age of 11. Her writing was often very difficult to understand because she directly translates a lot from Korean, but she is very creative, and always put in a lot of effort. Here's her story about "The beach on a summer day":

I go to the beach on a summer day with my friends. We are play very exciting! In beach, many people play the sand. We use parasol, and we sit our under the parasol. Suddenly, one boat go to the ocean. Many people are screaming. Yes! One person stay at the ocean. Who die, or everyone life together. In beach, very quiet. Who doesn't speaking. After 20 minutes, brave human come to sand with stay water person together. We hit our hands. He is very brave human.

This second one is from my favorite and most adorable student. If I steal a Korean child, she's first on the list. I have added some full-stops to this because she doesn't really use punctuation yet. Her story is about "An old attic at night":

I'm went to my grandparent's house. That house have old attic. I'm seelped at grandparent's house with only sister I woke up and sister woke up too. We went to old attic because we are hungried. There are so many food. We were ate this. We came back and sleep. Next day we wake up and we are very full. My grandmother know the we ate old attic food. I'm looked my grandmother. She smiled.

A successful teacher?

Yesterday, I had one of my classes write questions to interview each other. One pair used 'What job do you want to do?' So I overheard little Brenda (E5) saying she was going to be a 'successful teacher':

Me: Ok Brenda, what do you mean by 'successful'?

Brenda: Good.

Me: So what is a successful teacher? Am I a successful teacher?

[pause]

Brenda: A little, teacher.

[much giggling from both of us]

Me: Ok Brenda, what does successful mean?

[more giggling]

Brenda: Students can understand teacher every word.

Lesson learned: Don't ask students questions like this. They actually tell you what they think. Glad to have learned that lesson with the cute little ones, rather than the awkward middle-schoolers.

Eventually I will post some photos from Christmas. But now, its time for work.