Oh dots!

Another testing day, another bunch of hilarious essays.  Sanah, recently returned to Korea from Texas, has quite the way with exclamations, which are often reminiscent of old-timey folks at church.  Here's her essay on what she would buy if she got a lot of money and had to spend it on someone else"

I want to give a Rilakuma sharpener with a card on it to Ginny.  I want to give her because I can't see her very much.  And she is very, very, so, so nice.  I love her too.  I hope she likes it!  But how will I get lots of money? I wouldn't suddenly have so much! (The money) I wish she says "Thank you".  I think she will be really happy. What if she hates it?
I want to invite Ginny to Christmas. That way I can say "Merry Christmas!" But I don't think I will see her for a lo~~ng time! Oh dots! Looking at my pencil makes me think doty. The end.

And here's a cute one from Ariel.  Ariel is generally a pain in the butt, and probably the only kid in the entire class that I don't wish I could steal.  She can be downright mean to the other girls, and despite endless correction, she constantly interrupts people.  But even I can see that this shows her cute side:

I will buy my mother a present because my mother bought me many things but I didn't have money to do something for my mother.  To buy [for] me, my mom save money what she had so she couldn't buy what she want.  She wanted some bags and earings so I will buy my mother many pretty bags and cute earings.  I will buy her a dress and rings.  My mother caught a cold so I think I will buy a soft blanket and pillows.  Then my mother will be thankful for me and most of all she will think I am a nice, kind and pretty girl just for her and love me more than now. 

Imagine that your pet can talk to you!

Today is Level Test day.  Pretty much the most boring day.  We watch the kids take tests for almost every single class, and since the classrooms have podiums rather than desks for the teachers, I've been standing still for somewhere around two hours.  It reminds me of working afternoon shifts in pubs - guess I'm not quite as far away from the 'service industry' as I like to think!

Anyway, the silver lining is grading some hilarious stories from the writing part of the test.  Including this liittle gem from Heidi.  Heidi is (obviously) super smart, and she's so pale I was concerned at first that her mom had started her on whitening creams early. She has since said she hates to sit under the parasol at the beach, so perhaps her mother is just very careful with her.  She always has something to tell me at the beginning of class, and usually starts by saying 'I have one good news and one bad news.'  The good news items usually involve small gifts from friends, or an upcoming party, while bad news is often about a naughty boy at school or a test.  Whatever the news, it is always delivered carefully and with great seriousness.

My pet is an cat named Cutie.  She can talk!  When I went to a park, she said "Oh my! That cat is so handsom!"
I said "Yes, but we have to go!" She said "But he is to handsom! Lets go to him!" She pulled her neckelis. She was to strong!
I shouted, "Ahhhhh!!".  I fell down.  She ran to the handsom cat.  she said "Hellow, my name is Cutie. Who are you?"
"My name is Lano."
"Oh, Lano, lets go to  our house." He shouted, "No I already have an girlfriend!"
The cat ran away. Cutie cried, "He ran away from me!"
I said "It's alright. cutie he said he already has a girlfreind.  Our next door, there is an kind and handsome cat."
She said "Really? Then lets go!" Our next door cat is Looloo. Cutie said "Hello, Looloo?"
"Hi Cutie. I love you." And they hapily lived over.

I've been planning for a while now to write about some non-student related topics, but the second season of Downton Abbey only just finished.  Plus there are a lot of other shows out there that require my attention in the evening.  Plus I generally have about 2 brain cells left by the end of the day. Plus I am an gold-medal-winning Procrastinator.

Esther (the Molester) and Rosie Posie

I got another awesome story last week from the same class (the one with 12 mini-genius-girls).  Esther is pretty consistently hilarious and it became clear to me recently that she is a better trash-talker than I am.  A first-grader.  Speaking her second language.  I mean, the kid called me 'yucky butt' without missing a beat... how can I compete with that?  Oh, and she's also the kid who asked what boys have, down there.  Foolishly, I supplied the necessary vocabulary item, only to be faced with the question of what girls have.  She carefully repeated both words a few times to ensure that she would be able to correctly reproduce them at a later time.  The kid has balls AND smarts.  And she has her priorities in order when it comes to dreams:

I want to change...
first of all I don't want people to cut down trees.  Because trees give us air.  And the cars are making air pollution so the trees are dying.  I am upset about this thing. My dream is to stop cutting trees and stop making air pollution.  Second of all, I don't want any people to die because they don't have food. Because that people's familly will be so sad.  And me too.  I want them to join many friends and eat lots of food and have fun!  Those two things are my only two dreams!

Just this evening I got another story from Rosie in the same class.  (I told you they were mini-geniuses.)  Rosie has now reached maximum cuteness after the loss of one of her front teeth.  Her mom used to drive her everyday and sit outside class because she had 'separation anxiety' - though we never saw signs of it in class.  A few weeks later, she started crying uncontrollably, and didn't seem to stop for two or three solid days.  She still insisted on coming to class and she did all her work, she just couldn't stop crying.  We never found out what brought on the tears, but she's been back to her usual bubbly self for a while now and these letters are just too awesome to keep to myself!

First pig.
Dear first pig,
You made the house with the straw.  The wolf was so awful and big so the wolf blew your house away.  If you build the house with bricks our house will not be ruined.  Nevertheless you are smart because you thought and went to your younger brother's house.  You are very wise! ^^ 

Second pig.
Dear second pig,
You made the house with the wood.  You are same with your brother.  The wolf was bad so blew and blew and house went away.  I have to say the same thing! If you didn't build the house with wood it will not be ruined.  But next time be careful and don't be lazy! ^^ 

Third pig.
Dear third pig,
I want to praise you! You didn't be lazy like your brothers.  You didn't care about your brothers and work hard!  I want to follow your actions everyday I meet you. You are kind to let your brothers into your house even do your brothers made you feel angry.  You always forgive everyone exept the wolf.  i think you are so brave.  I wish your brothers follow you and not be lazy.  Good luck.

When I Grow Up

Um.  So apparently I no longer write anything ever.  I blame work and Downton Abbey.  To break the streak, here is something someone else wrote:

When I grow up, I will be a teacher.  Real teachers think teachers are bored, but I am not.  I like cheaking the children test, giving points to who are good and who are bad.  I can write in the board, too!!  The teachers no think like me but I like writing on the board.  Teachers also can go to the room that the children can't go in.  A teacher might tell the stuedent to be quiet, but the children can't say to be quiet to the teacher.  I think a teacher is a important job.

Yoon-Ji, a first grader who has never studied abroad, never ceases to amaze me.  Just when I think she's not paying attention, she'll ask a question that shows not only was she listening, but she's been listening the whole time.  Her ability to retain new information is awesome, and like all first graders, she loves to point out inconsistencies in things I say.  And of course she's adorable.

Delicious Baby

Like most hagwons with kindergarten programs, we get free lunch at my school. Initially, it seemed like a major – and money-saving - perk, but has became a source of much irritation to both me and my co-workers. Last year, I was hardly adventurous with Korean food, and I would not have expected to find much to like about eating Korean food every day. But after a somewhat successful New Year's Resolution, this year has included a much wider range of Korean dishes – and a lot less boredom with my diet.

Yet, free lunch is still a problem. The soups almost always taste like dishwater and they serve fish with all the bones and fins and eyes. I know most Koreans aren't vegetarian – and I decided early on that I would continue to eat the lunch when I stopped eating meat – but this food is seriously poor quality. And they serve the same stuff to the kids. Yuck.

So what's a girl to do? Oh, don't worry, because you can go eat at Delicious Baby. I have no idea what this restaurant is actually called, but it's around the corner from my school and I will take you if you're in the neighborhood. It's teeny tiny and is pretty much a Health and Safety Inspector's nightmare, but don't let that put you off. The menu is standard kimbap shop fayre, but they make everything fresh (including the dongkass!) And they don't have any problem making changes to suit your weird egg-pickiness or meatlessness. The mom does all the cooking – and has a sixth sense about how you like your food - while her husband makes the kimbaps. That's right: a Man Making Kimbap. Delicious kimbap. I suspect he mixes happy drugs in with the rice.

Then there are the two older sons, who handle the delivery/clean-up stuff. The older one is your classic respectful young Korean guy – he once bowed to me from his scooter - and I've yet to see the younger one without a smile. No matter how much I mangle my Korean when ordering, or how many fussy requests I make, that kid is always smiling and making sure the message gets to his mom. Then, of course, there's the baby. He's only 18 months old (pretty sure he was a surprise) and looks like a tiny grandpa. His job is wandering around amongst all the food and fire and sharp objects. When he's tired, he sleeps on one of the benches or gets strapped to his mom or dad's back. (This does not, of course, prevent the dad from making deliveries on the scooter...safety first!)

When we first started going, he did what all Korean babies do when faced with foreigners: slack-jawed gaping. The whole family would try to get him to talk, but he just kept on staring. Gradually he figured out other ways to get our attention, like bouncing up and down, banging spoons, or waving rice around. Then one day he just started coming over to see us, and today he had a very entertaining time with my bike helmet. At first, he looked like he stepped on it by accident, but then it became clear that putting his feet in the helmet was the game. After I put it on his head he walked over to his parents with the helmet on backwards, then hanging off his face, before he figured out a way that he could wear it and see at the same time.

It might seem ridiculous to write so much about one little restaurant and the family that runs it, but you don't know how Delicious that Baby's food is. And there's nothing like good food for making you feel at home in a faraway land.

Cuteness

Co-teachers come in all shapes and attitudes: helpful, mean, indispensible, uncooperative and adorable being just a few options. I didn't really have a co-teacher last year as we always taught separate classes from the Korean teachers, and only really needed to work together to deal with problem students. This year, I have the monster, and his tantrums have created a bond between me and my fabulous co-teacher.

She'd never taught before, and her English isn't the best (I was slightly terrified during the first class when she had to look up almost every word to translate all the screaming.) But we made a good team from the start, and she is an invaluable source of information from the monster's family. Oh, and I haven't had to prepare an art class in two months now thanks to her efforts. Most importantly, her Starbucks study sessions, and being around English all day have paid off so we can have 3 minute chats during our stairwell time-outs with the monster.

I think my favorite thing about our chats is that she obviously thinks of things to say beforehand, and practices how to say them properly. She'd never had a foreigner friend before, or traveled outside Korea, so lots of things I say are pretty surprising, which makes me feel special and unique. And she pretty much smiles 59 minutes out of 60. Anyway, here are some quotes:

'I think you are look like Princess Diana.'

'Oh thanks, but it's just the hair.'

'No really, I think so.'

'Well thank you.'

'I'm wondering again, why don't you have a boyfriend?'

'Hmmm...where to begin...'

'You can eat the tomatoes. He won't eat them.'

'Oh why?'

'Because he is little scared. They are very surprise.'

'Oh ok. Because they burst open?'

'Yes. Also, how do you say - tiny tomato? little tomato? baby tomato?'

'Ah, cherry tomato.'

'Maybe this language is so strange and funny, but, are you pretty to foreigners?'

'Um what?'

'Well, I see many foreigners at the beach, and I think they are not pretty, but I think you are pretty, so...'

uncontrollable laughter 'I think most of the foreigners here are pretty actually. And, um, I hope my friends think that I am...'

'Your dress is very become to you.'

'Urinate. Pee. Which one is correct?'

And my favorite note, perhaps of all time. I asked her to call a Korean phone number to check that I had completed everything to book a walk across the Gwangalli bridge. When I asked her how it went, she got all shy and fluttery, and asked me to wait until she'd written it down.

'They'll send the material to need the day by delivery service.

So, it doesn't need anything

You have only to bring it. ^-^

*This grammar is wrong, so You're not able to understand ㅜ-ㅜ

Do you understand~? If you don't understand.

ask me again'

Ups and Downs

Last weekend was full of 'em. On balance, I'd say the ups have it, but that doesn't make those downs much easier to take when they come around.

It started so well - I left work on Friday totally exhausted, and went to grab a bite at the new kimbap place around the corner. Dinner was quick and delicious, and after dithering about whether to walk home or take the subway, I found a 50,000won note on the ground. Score. I decided karma really wanted me to walk home, and to buy some Cass Red on the way.

But then on Saturday, karma apparently had quite different plans for Lacey and I. Plans that involved trekking all over the place, but failing to complete any errands. The bank was shut (Turns out it is NEVER open outside my working hours. That's smart.), the outdoors shop IN NAMPO-DONG was in the process of moving to a new location, and the hairdresser was already booked up for the afternoon. Just one of those mornings you try to chalk up as 'character-building' while internally wishing your character would just bugger off already.

Thank goodness we managed to get to Dalmaji to see 'As You Like It' in the sunshine. For free! With snacks! And wine! After the play finished, we strolled down the hill to Haeundae beach. What with it being the first weekend that the beach was officially open, and two festivals being held there, there were just a few people dotted about. You know Koreans - they hardly ever congregate in overwhelmingly large numbers. We caught a little bit of the Busan International Dance Festival, which was totally mesmerizing, and decided to come back the next night to see more. Saturday ended happily with a lot of dancing and beer pong in an over-crowded bar on the 14th floor above Haeundae.

In case you thought Saturday morning's trials had earned us some good karma, you would be wrong. Very wrong. After a slow start, we set out to find a 'Korean Natural Food Restaurant'. Having been unable to find opening hours online, the restaurant was of course closed for the afternoon. Undaunted, we booked a table for the evening, and headed to the beach to kill some time in the sun. By the time our reservation time rolled around, we were seated in a cute little room at the restaurant and very hungry for some delicious vegetarian food. Only to find out that you have to book A DAY IN ADVANCE for the vegetarian option. Are you kidding?

Fortune smiled briefly upon us in the form of a vegan buffet restaurant within walking distance. Vegan restaurants always make me feel like I'm in candyland - I can eat everything! Nothing will make me sick! Ever! After the feast, we headed to a bar for a martini and a couple of games of darts. Thinking we still had a couple of hours to go before the dance festival, we took our time getting to Haeundae.

We arrived to find a much larger crowd than Saturday night, and a man spinning on his head on stage. Impressive. The group left the stage, we sat down, and the announcers started wrapping up the evening's events. What. Disappointment was severe. I mean really severe. I mean I didn't even want a beer to ease the pain severe. Bad times.

Thank goodness it was a holiday weekend, and we had Monday to do something fun. I'd read about a small stone temple in Busan, and read that it really isn't very far away, or hard to get to (Lonely Planet advice notwithstanding). Mercifully, our information was good, and the temple was exactly where it should have been, and exactly as impressive as described. And we had makkeolli. I didn't quite believe that our luck had returned, but when we headed to PNU to get some food, we discovered that Maya had re-opened! WOOOOOOOO!

Could this awesome day get any better? Oh yes, yes it could. Because then we walked off all that delicious Indian food on the way to the German brew-pub in Oncheonjang, where we drank delicious beers. That must be enough 'up' for one day right? Oh no, because then we went to spa land to take a delicious bath and enjoy a delicious sit down. I definitely understand the 'sitting around' part of the spa experience better now that I have a smaller apartment: it's for when you don't want to go home, but you do want to be AT home.

After all that, Korea and I are getting along ok again, but I sure wish she'd tone down the drama sometimes.

Poor Monster

Last Monday morning, my co-teacher told me the monster was at the hospital, and would be coming in late. In Korea, a kid going to the hospital doesn't mean much - they go for colds and minor ailments pretty regularly - but a 4-year-old with a fever is a kid I had hoped would be allowed to stay home. No such luck. The doctors found him to be 'not severely sick' and so he was dropped off just before lunchtime, and announced his arrival by crying. Actually, the first sound I heard was a petulant whine that I knew within half a second was his. I've definitely spent too much time with this kid.

After lunch, I politely inquired if our little charge had eaten any of his lunch, and was informed that no, he had not, and indeed he had vomited on the floor. But not to worry - "sometimes he makes himself vomit by crying too much." Lovely. So glad he wasn't 'severely sick'. Honestly, at this point I felt awful for the poor sod. He was obviously OBVIOUSLY a sick little guy and desperate for sleep. Indeed, within a few seconds of me turning around to get his favorite song ready on the computer, he'd fallen asleep at his desk and started drooling on his hand. No fake sleeping this time.

The next day was a holiday, and then on Wednesday he was kept home again. Turns out he had food poisoning. On Thursday he still couldn't really talk (I think he had mouth ulcers) but he'd been bored at home and told his mom he was going to school. He was an angel almost the whole day: he found creative ways to express himself through thumbs-up and thumbs-down, and managed to get through the same amount of worksheets as he usually does.

He's actually been good almost all of this week too. With the exception of that day when he decided he WOULD NOT go to the bathroom, despite showing clear signs of desperation. He held out so long, that he ended up peeing in his pants. I genuinely have no idea what triggered this behavior; he does sometimes 'hold out' on going to the bathroom, but had always given in pretty quickly. Whatever the cause, the embarrassment must have gotten to him because he could not have been nicer that afternoon. And he hasn't refused an offer to go to the bathroom since.

Poison Ivy

The monster is off sick today, so I've had rather more time on my hands than I really know what to do with, so here's some more writing from Ivy, one of Lucy's classmates.

Plants are living things. All living things can feel pain and danger. When we chop trees down, the can feel pain. If you were a tree and someone chopped you down, don't you think you will not scream? Trees scream with their secret voices. Other plants can hear their scream and feel danger. These days, almost everyone make trees into non-living things. That can be okay. Just remember that if you chop trees, it's like you are killing someone. So, let's don't chop trees!

Ivy is basically an ideal student, and her writing is always this good, which is damned impressive for a second-grader who has only studied in Korea. Her mom apparently makes her listen to English-language radio and tapes at home, yet she doesn't seem to resent studying English at all. In fact, she acts like a classroom assistant: answering other students' questions and correcting their grammar and pronunciation. Of course, I stop her from correcting her classmates, but she actually manages to do it without seeming mean or stuck up.

Lately, I've started to realise how lucky I am to be teaching such small groups of highly motivated and able students. I truly appreciate my classes because I imagine there won't be many like this if I teach public school in the US or the UK. So thank you tiny people, you make these long days seem much shorter.

Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds

A few weeks ago, there was a festival at Gwangalli Beach. It was called 'Eobang Festival', and was apparently something to do with traditional fishing or something. For us, it was mostly about drinking some beers on the beach, then moving along to somewhere a little more refined: the deck outside of O-Mart. Classay.

One of my more challenging and entertaining students, Lucy, had told me she would miss class that Friday because she was singing, and said she would be singing again on Saturday. She explained that it was singing 'in the street' and would be very hard to find, and expressed concern that I wouldn't understand because 'it is all Korean!' At this point I realised that she would be in the festival parade, and despite all the obstacles, and a fog of beer and sunshine, we managed to get to the right place at the right time. Of course the song had nothing to do with Korea or traditional fishing methods, but who needs an excuse to get cute small people to sing 'Do Re Mi'?

Lucy's front and center in these pictures, and you'll note that she seems less than thrilled to be there. She didn't really 'sing' as such, but she did make a half-assed attempt to follow the choreography. So glad to see that she behaves like this for everyone, not just teachers. I should perhaps point out that Lucy told me in her first week that she hates all English teachers, and as she grew to like me, started greeting me with a variety of kicks and punches, though one day she did hug me and tell me she loves me. Oh and she's a nine-tailed fox. You gotta love a kid with that much character and attitude.






As an epilogue, here are some vocabulary sentences from Lucy's old class.

Jun:
Jen Teacher died in an earthquake.
Jen Teacher is upset because of Jun.
Jen teacher died 7 times because of her experiments.
Jen teacher is a proud mosquito.
Jen teacher was stampeded by a herd of elephants.
Jen teacher has a pet mosquito and her pet bit her.

Ivy:
Lucy went to the banquet with Jun.
Jen teacher wrote an article about Jun and Lucy loving.
Jen teacher was upset because Erik teacher said "We won't marry!"
Neil Armstrong met Jen teacher at the training center and said, "I love you."
Erik teacher, Jun and Lucy stampeded on Jen Teacher.

Lucy:
Jen survived the earthquake.
Jen is a brave person.
Jen is a proud person.
Jen is fond of and kisses mosquitos.
Jen is killing with a flock of birds.

Square One

The monster was an absolute terror today: I lost count of the stairwell time-outs I dragged him to. (We don't do time-out in the classroom because he likes it and will refuse to leave the corner. He just loves corners.) From amusing correction of my pronunciation, he has quickly progressed to refusing to accept that we say 'square' instead of 'scare', or 'A B Cs' instead of the 'RAY B Cs'. (I blame the British English on those videos for the second one - I sure as hell don't have a 'linking-r' in my accent!) This kind of point-blank defiance is funny when aimed at my boss, but mostly because it's so exhausting to deal with it everyday. I definitely reached the end of my tether today, and I've lost the will to summon up a 'nice teacher' for him. We've tried cajoling, and bribing, and distracting, and scolding, and time-outs in 3 different locations. We've tried worksheets and videos and stickers and threats. We've let him cry it out and sulk it out and exhaust himself in the gym. We've taken him for walks around the school like a puppy when he pretends to fall asleep. I've yelled, I've mocked, I've joked, I've begged. I'm all out of patience. I hear that his parents are strict with him, but I don't see any improvement in this child. Other than his English. If any bright sparks out there know how to deal with a child who does not give a crap about punishment, please give me a shout. Because I am fresh out of ideas.

But on the other plus side, I've been cycling to work along the beach. Buddha's birthday is coming up soon, so they've put up tunnels of red and yellow lanterns along the sidewalk and I defy anyone to go through without smiling. It's just so cheery and warm and fluttery! It's hard to stay stressed when your daily commute includes beach-lantern-tunnels.

A is for apple, a-a-apple

After the last post, I think we managed a week and a half of blissful good behavior from the monster. Of course, this couldn't, and indeed didn't, last. But in that brief window, there was a siesmic shift: he started to speak English in front of me. Especially things like 'No!' and 'Dark cave' and 'Not monster'. His first full sentence was 'What are you doing?' - a question I ask him about 20 times a day when he's climbing up the cupboards or dangling from a chair. If I'm very nice, I get a 'Hi' or 'Bye', but my favorite greeting so far was last week's response to my cheery 'Good morning!': a blank stare, followed by (in Korean) "I'm not wearing my school pants today."

If you've taught kids this young before, you'll already know that they pick up your accent disturbingly quickly, and the monster is no exception. After 7 years in Scotland, I don't say 'good' like an American, and since I use a lot of praise when he follows simple instructions like 'Sit down' and 'Stop being a giant pain in the butt', he hears this word a LOT. And now uses 'Gut' as his standard affirmative response: 'Does this word start with a 'juh' sound?' 'Gut.' He also spends a lot of time watching a series of videos on youtube performed by a British ESL teacher, and so says 'Tyuesday' and 'boll' (instead of 'ball'). He even corrects my American pronunciation of 'Saturday'. Seems I'm accidentally on purpose feeding him non-American English. Oops!

Incidentally, he'd also make an excellent rock climber. He's happy to repeat the same activity forever (provided it's something he has approved of course) and now spends most of his time in the gym on the same bouldering problem: climbing up the slide. The slide has small pockets which are perfectly sized for his tiny feet, and he's finally realised that using them is more effective than his previous clamber-up-the-sides-and-grab-for-the-top-immediately approach. I should add that he is also practicing English while doing this: without my prompting, he started singing 'The Itsy-Bitsy Spider' while climbing. Though his rendition sounds more like "The etsy-betsy spider washed in da belk. Down came the rain and washed in da melk."

Today was our second field trip, resulting in the finest in monstrous behavior and the highest level of chin-jutting: The Godfather Jaw. While all the children sat waiting to make cookies, the monster was, of course, standing on the bench. Our director asked him to sit down, foolishly thinking he would respect her authority, only to be met with unflinching eye-contact and the exact same 'No!' the rest of us get. Good job, monster. Good job indeed.

Life in Busan...

...is very different from life in Daegu:

- THERE IS A BEACH. The importance of this cannot be overstated. I have never lived near a beach before and it's awesome. Just awesome.
- I have to get up early. And work long hours. blablabla.
- My apartment does not have nauseating wallpaper.
- I live with a cat. Which means lots of lint-rolling and laughing at her antics.
- I teach kindie. (translation: the monster) Actually, almost all my students are younger this year: I only teach two classes that are older than my youngest class last year.
- My students speak English. A lot of English. Enough English to challenge my nerdy grammar-love.
- No more 'foreign' (read: non-Korean) manager. Sob.
- People don't stare. On the subway, I can read my book or answer my phone without being obsessively observed. I don't really feel like I have to 'represent' all foreigners all the time.
- No more drive-by hellos. And no more children yelling '외국인!' (foreigner) either. Nice-uh.
- I can't wear my nose-ring to work. Double sob.
- I actually like all my friends. I almost never have to hang out with people I'd rather avoid. Love it.

So there you go: swings and roundabouts. On balance, it's an improvement, but it's only now that I can appreciate how sweet my job was last year.

The Monstrous Monster

Tomorrow, we're taking the kindergarten students, including the monster, to the aquarium for a field trip. Which I'm pretty freaking pumped about because I can't imagine anything better for a St. Paddy's day hangover than 11 tiny people and bajillions of sea creatures.
In case you thought the monster would have become better behaved under the daily influence of my fabulous teaching, um, you would be wrong. This kid is hard core when it comes to getting what he wants. And he takes avoidance of things he doesn't want even more seriously. Sometimes I swear his heels are dug in so far he must be up to his neck (he's teeny so it wouldn't take long.)
Earlier in the week, we had fun pretending that the podium (teachers don't have desks at my school) was his house, but the real fun started I moved it so he couldn't sit inside anymore. That's if you call 30 minutes of crying fun. There were, of course, brief breaks in the sobbing to check that we were still looking at him. It truly was a performance worthy of a Korean drama.
He's also told me, on two separate occasions, that he hates me. I believe a direct translation is 'My teacher is terrible.' And no, he didn't use the polite form of the verb. However, one class later, in the gym, he climbed all over my back so he could put his ear next to my ear. Don't ask why because the Korean teacher was as puzzled by this as I was, but it was obviously very funny for him. Oh, and then he stuck out his tongue and tried to attack us both. But remember, I'm terrible.
UPDATE: So, the hangover wasn't too serious, but guess who hates fish? And, indeed, all sea life? And all teachers? And even the BEACH?? If you guessed the tiny terror, good job. You are genius. Here are some pics of him hating life, and along with a few of children who actually like things.

"Sigh...people always want pictures of my cheeks.
God, look at these stupid fish.
I hate fish! I'm gonna go sit down."

"Hmmmm...I hear what you're saying about fish being fun, but..." 

"I HATE FISH! AND I HATE YOUR FACE!"

"Wow! The aquarium is super fun!"

"Guys, it's time for crazy faces! Man, this aquarium is awesome." 

"Remember me? That adorable kid you used to teach
one-on-one everyday? Remember when I seemed like hard work?
Before you realised I was an ANGEL?"

"Wow! Sand! What a great field trip!"

"I can't even look at you. I HATE EVERYTHING!"

Bowled over

Edward and Jacob were providing a little insight into what I can only assume are their parents' views on Japan today. If you've taught in Korea, you'll already have an idea of where this is heading. If you haven't, well, this is not going to be pretty.

(As an aside, I had to correct their understanding of the word 'lesbian' at the start of the class. Apparently the message that it has to be two girls, rather than a girl a boy with a girl's name, hadn't quite gotten through.)

So. Japan. The images coming out of there are pretty insane, and it's right freaking next door, so I feel lucky that we've been totally unaffected in Korea. But apparently some of my students have felt more than lucky. They're pretty damn jazzed about the whole affair. Jacob started the conversation by saying that he thought it was 'pretty great'. I think I started to ask how he could possibly say that, and they started to tell me that Japan did some terrible things to Korea. (Maybe, as a teacher here, I'd missed out on that little nugget of information.) Then Edward chimed in with 'Jesus is punishing them for doing such terrible things.'

And my jaw just about hit the floor. Here's a kid I know to be smart and open-minded, and who has shown very little of the spoiled behavior I see in a lot of the wealthier students. Woah. I honestly don't remember everything I said after that. I do know that I said it was unchristian, and I plan to apologize for saying that. I do remember saying that being angry was quite a different thing from wishing death and suffering on another person. And I remember saying that Christianity is about forgiveness. And I do not plan to apologize for that. I do not plan on avoiding the topic in class, because I feel sick when I think of adults telling children that any kind of god would punish innocent people for something their grandparents did. Something their government HAS apologized for.

There are a lot of things about Korean culture that I think we expats can be too harsh on. Hating Japan is not one of them. It is unacceptable to me to raise a child with hate. Especially an old hate. If everyone hated me because of things either or both of my countries have done, I would find myself pretty lonely. Thank goodness I'm not.

Baby steps...

Well, we managed two tantrum free days from the pre-schooler, so of course today brought another battle. After saying he was hungry before lunchtime, he refused his lunch, and instead spent the whole time running around the (non-baby-proof) school. So I obviously expected an easy afternoon, because nothing leads to good behavior like hunger and tiredness.

Having figured out that we don't put up with bad behavior in the classroom, he refused to even enter the room for afternoon class. Luckily, the director's husband is AWESOME with kids and just kept repeating that he had to go to class during class time. The persistence on both sides was impressive, but of course the little guy eventually got carried into the classroom. Where the real tears started. Long story short, he refused to take a nap, but then ended up falling asleep while standing and leaning against my leg. So I guess we're buddies now.

Sticking it out

One of the biggest changes with this job is that I now teach kindie. And when I say kindie, I mean babies. Our first student has just gone up to the 'Pre-K' class and arrived speaking not one word of English. Within a month, she was able to identify beginning sounds of words, and name lots of animals. She's pretty much a genius in her new class.

My latest student is even tinier than the last one. I'm told he's 4 and a half, but I suspect he's actually closer to 3. He doesn't speak any English either, which is fine, but he also makes mules look compliant. We are currently locked in a battle of wills, from which I refuse to back down. His mother (thank god!) has said that we should be 'strong' with him when he is stubborn. So I hope this means she will continue to send him here, despite the fact that he spent 2 solid lessons this morning crying and saying things like 'I want to go home', 'I miss my mom', 'I hate it here.' and my favorite: 'Tell me! Why did I get sent here? Tell meeeeee!' (It really adds to the drama to have the wailing translated.)

What could have possibly caused such outrage from our Napoleon-in-training? Oh, just a request to sit next to the big mean white lady, while the nice Korean lady (who has been successfully recruited to the dark side) refuses to acknowledge his existence. All credit to him, he kept up his wailing until after the bell rang, and the Korean teacher left the room. I'd pretty much given up thinking that this plan would work, when I finally managed to drag him to the chair, and he sat himself down. After lots of hugs and 'Good boy!'s, I turned him over to the kindness of the Korean staff who promptly laid him down for a nap. Which lasted through lunch.

After he woke up, and had lunch, we had a most pleasant art class. He even cleaned up his books and pencils without complaint.

Battle is scheduled to recommence tomorrow morning.

Update: The next two days have passed without tears, and only minimal resistance. He's even said (in Korean of course...) that he wants to speak in English! Here's hoping this cease-fire can turn into lasting peace.

Like Ne-Yo...and Usher...

A long time ago, I wrote a blog post using a writing technique I was teaching at the time. I seem to be teaching a lot about dialogues and scripts lately, so here's one of the latter (because I'm just not a big fan of too many he said she saids).

Scene: 5th grade writing class. The students are telling stories about themselves for their group to write down. The girls are talking about fights at school, the boys are sharing stories about when they studied abroad.

JACOB: ...I went to Washington, D.C. There were a lot of black people there. I went to a museum.
TEACHER: Um, Jacob, is that relevant to your story? You really shouldn't say something like that unless it's relevant or important to your story.

Jacob looks down, but appears to remain unconvinced. A few quiet minutes pass, then the boys start to get noisy again.

JACOB (in a loud voice): I think black people are pretty weird actually. Their all like 'Hey' and whatever...
TEACHER: Jacob!
Pause to think of something appropriate and suppress urge to break child's face.
Ok, Jacob, would I ever say 'I got shoved on the subway this morning. By a Korean.'?
JACOB: Um, no?
TEACHER: But who is more likely to shove me on the subway? A Korean or a white person?
JACOB: A Korean?
TEACHER: That's right. But I wouldn't say that. Because it is RUDE.

Teacher walks back to the front and wonders why the hell these kids study abroad if they come home with exactly the same attitudes they left with.
A few minutes pass.

EDWARD: I like black people actually. Yeah, I was friends with a lot of blacks...I mean, in the Philippines I had a lot of black Americans for friends. I like their style, and the way they talk, all 'Yo yo yo homies'
TEACHER: Yeah, actually black culture is really popular in America - the music and dance and lots of stuff.
EDWARD: Yeah! There's a lot of singers right? Like Ne-Yo...and Usher....

Bell rings and teacher breathes a huge fucking sigh of relief.

This is not the first time race has come up in class, nor do I expect it to be the last. There were a few weeks there where I felt like all I did was explain segregation. One of the stories I taught was about a black family driving a gold Caddilac to Mississippi in the 1950s. Explaining why this was enough 'conflict' for a whole story was definitely challenging. But the message got through, and hopefully those kids will remember it. And thank god there are kids like Edward to balance out the Jacobs.