Imagine that your pet can talk to you!

Today is Level Test day.  Pretty much the most boring day.  We watch the kids take tests for almost every single class, and since the classrooms have podiums rather than desks for the teachers, I've been standing still for somewhere around two hours.  It reminds me of working afternoon shifts in pubs - guess I'm not quite as far away from the 'service industry' as I like to think!

Anyway, the silver lining is grading some hilarious stories from the writing part of the test.  Including this liittle gem from Heidi.  Heidi is (obviously) super smart, and she's so pale I was concerned at first that her mom had started her on whitening creams early. She has since said she hates to sit under the parasol at the beach, so perhaps her mother is just very careful with her.  She always has something to tell me at the beginning of class, and usually starts by saying 'I have one good news and one bad news.'  The good news items usually involve small gifts from friends, or an upcoming party, while bad news is often about a naughty boy at school or a test.  Whatever the news, it is always delivered carefully and with great seriousness.

My pet is an cat named Cutie.  She can talk!  When I went to a park, she said "Oh my! That cat is so handsom!"
I said "Yes, but we have to go!" She said "But he is to handsom! Lets go to him!" She pulled her neckelis. She was to strong!
I shouted, "Ahhhhh!!".  I fell down.  She ran to the handsom cat.  she said "Hellow, my name is Cutie. Who are you?"
"My name is Lano."
"Oh, Lano, lets go to  our house." He shouted, "No I already have an girlfriend!"
The cat ran away. Cutie cried, "He ran away from me!"
I said "It's alright. cutie he said he already has a girlfreind.  Our next door, there is an kind and handsome cat."
She said "Really? Then lets go!" Our next door cat is Looloo. Cutie said "Hello, Looloo?"
"Hi Cutie. I love you." And they hapily lived over.

I've been planning for a while now to write about some non-student related topics, but the second season of Downton Abbey only just finished.  Plus there are a lot of other shows out there that require my attention in the evening.  Plus I generally have about 2 brain cells left by the end of the day. Plus I am an gold-medal-winning Procrastinator.

Esther (the Molester) and Rosie Posie

I got another awesome story last week from the same class (the one with 12 mini-genius-girls).  Esther is pretty consistently hilarious and it became clear to me recently that she is a better trash-talker than I am.  A first-grader.  Speaking her second language.  I mean, the kid called me 'yucky butt' without missing a beat... how can I compete with that?  Oh, and she's also the kid who asked what boys have, down there.  Foolishly, I supplied the necessary vocabulary item, only to be faced with the question of what girls have.  She carefully repeated both words a few times to ensure that she would be able to correctly reproduce them at a later time.  The kid has balls AND smarts.  And she has her priorities in order when it comes to dreams:

I want to change...
first of all I don't want people to cut down trees.  Because trees give us air.  And the cars are making air pollution so the trees are dying.  I am upset about this thing. My dream is to stop cutting trees and stop making air pollution.  Second of all, I don't want any people to die because they don't have food. Because that people's familly will be so sad.  And me too.  I want them to join many friends and eat lots of food and have fun!  Those two things are my only two dreams!

Just this evening I got another story from Rosie in the same class.  (I told you they were mini-geniuses.)  Rosie has now reached maximum cuteness after the loss of one of her front teeth.  Her mom used to drive her everyday and sit outside class because she had 'separation anxiety' - though we never saw signs of it in class.  A few weeks later, she started crying uncontrollably, and didn't seem to stop for two or three solid days.  She still insisted on coming to class and she did all her work, she just couldn't stop crying.  We never found out what brought on the tears, but she's been back to her usual bubbly self for a while now and these letters are just too awesome to keep to myself!

First pig.
Dear first pig,
You made the house with the straw.  The wolf was so awful and big so the wolf blew your house away.  If you build the house with bricks our house will not be ruined.  Nevertheless you are smart because you thought and went to your younger brother's house.  You are very wise! ^^ 

Second pig.
Dear second pig,
You made the house with the wood.  You are same with your brother.  The wolf was bad so blew and blew and house went away.  I have to say the same thing! If you didn't build the house with wood it will not be ruined.  But next time be careful and don't be lazy! ^^ 

Third pig.
Dear third pig,
I want to praise you! You didn't be lazy like your brothers.  You didn't care about your brothers and work hard!  I want to follow your actions everyday I meet you. You are kind to let your brothers into your house even do your brothers made you feel angry.  You always forgive everyone exept the wolf.  i think you are so brave.  I wish your brothers follow you and not be lazy.  Good luck.

When I Grow Up

Um.  So apparently I no longer write anything ever.  I blame work and Downton Abbey.  To break the streak, here is something someone else wrote:

When I grow up, I will be a teacher.  Real teachers think teachers are bored, but I am not.  I like cheaking the children test, giving points to who are good and who are bad.  I can write in the board, too!!  The teachers no think like me but I like writing on the board.  Teachers also can go to the room that the children can't go in.  A teacher might tell the stuedent to be quiet, but the children can't say to be quiet to the teacher.  I think a teacher is a important job.

Yoon-Ji, a first grader who has never studied abroad, never ceases to amaze me.  Just when I think she's not paying attention, she'll ask a question that shows not only was she listening, but she's been listening the whole time.  Her ability to retain new information is awesome, and like all first graders, she loves to point out inconsistencies in things I say.  And of course she's adorable.

Delicious Baby

Like most hagwons with kindergarten programs, we get free lunch at my school. Initially, it seemed like a major – and money-saving - perk, but has became a source of much irritation to both me and my co-workers. Last year, I was hardly adventurous with Korean food, and I would not have expected to find much to like about eating Korean food every day. But after a somewhat successful New Year's Resolution, this year has included a much wider range of Korean dishes – and a lot less boredom with my diet.

Yet, free lunch is still a problem. The soups almost always taste like dishwater and they serve fish with all the bones and fins and eyes. I know most Koreans aren't vegetarian – and I decided early on that I would continue to eat the lunch when I stopped eating meat – but this food is seriously poor quality. And they serve the same stuff to the kids. Yuck.

So what's a girl to do? Oh, don't worry, because you can go eat at Delicious Baby. I have no idea what this restaurant is actually called, but it's around the corner from my school and I will take you if you're in the neighborhood. It's teeny tiny and is pretty much a Health and Safety Inspector's nightmare, but don't let that put you off. The menu is standard kimbap shop fayre, but they make everything fresh (including the dongkass!) And they don't have any problem making changes to suit your weird egg-pickiness or meatlessness. The mom does all the cooking – and has a sixth sense about how you like your food - while her husband makes the kimbaps. That's right: a Man Making Kimbap. Delicious kimbap. I suspect he mixes happy drugs in with the rice.

Then there are the two older sons, who handle the delivery/clean-up stuff. The older one is your classic respectful young Korean guy – he once bowed to me from his scooter - and I've yet to see the younger one without a smile. No matter how much I mangle my Korean when ordering, or how many fussy requests I make, that kid is always smiling and making sure the message gets to his mom. Then, of course, there's the baby. He's only 18 months old (pretty sure he was a surprise) and looks like a tiny grandpa. His job is wandering around amongst all the food and fire and sharp objects. When he's tired, he sleeps on one of the benches or gets strapped to his mom or dad's back. (This does not, of course, prevent the dad from making deliveries on the scooter...safety first!)

When we first started going, he did what all Korean babies do when faced with foreigners: slack-jawed gaping. The whole family would try to get him to talk, but he just kept on staring. Gradually he figured out other ways to get our attention, like bouncing up and down, banging spoons, or waving rice around. Then one day he just started coming over to see us, and today he had a very entertaining time with my bike helmet. At first, he looked like he stepped on it by accident, but then it became clear that putting his feet in the helmet was the game. After I put it on his head he walked over to his parents with the helmet on backwards, then hanging off his face, before he figured out a way that he could wear it and see at the same time.

It might seem ridiculous to write so much about one little restaurant and the family that runs it, but you don't know how Delicious that Baby's food is. And there's nothing like good food for making you feel at home in a faraway land.

Cuteness

Co-teachers come in all shapes and attitudes: helpful, mean, indispensible, uncooperative and adorable being just a few options. I didn't really have a co-teacher last year as we always taught separate classes from the Korean teachers, and only really needed to work together to deal with problem students. This year, I have the monster, and his tantrums have created a bond between me and my fabulous co-teacher.

She'd never taught before, and her English isn't the best (I was slightly terrified during the first class when she had to look up almost every word to translate all the screaming.) But we made a good team from the start, and she is an invaluable source of information from the monster's family. Oh, and I haven't had to prepare an art class in two months now thanks to her efforts. Most importantly, her Starbucks study sessions, and being around English all day have paid off so we can have 3 minute chats during our stairwell time-outs with the monster.

I think my favorite thing about our chats is that she obviously thinks of things to say beforehand, and practices how to say them properly. She'd never had a foreigner friend before, or traveled outside Korea, so lots of things I say are pretty surprising, which makes me feel special and unique. And she pretty much smiles 59 minutes out of 60. Anyway, here are some quotes:

'I think you are look like Princess Diana.'

'Oh thanks, but it's just the hair.'

'No really, I think so.'

'Well thank you.'

'I'm wondering again, why don't you have a boyfriend?'

'Hmmm...where to begin...'

'You can eat the tomatoes. He won't eat them.'

'Oh why?'

'Because he is little scared. They are very surprise.'

'Oh ok. Because they burst open?'

'Yes. Also, how do you say - tiny tomato? little tomato? baby tomato?'

'Ah, cherry tomato.'

'Maybe this language is so strange and funny, but, are you pretty to foreigners?'

'Um what?'

'Well, I see many foreigners at the beach, and I think they are not pretty, but I think you are pretty, so...'

uncontrollable laughter 'I think most of the foreigners here are pretty actually. And, um, I hope my friends think that I am...'

'Your dress is very become to you.'

'Urinate. Pee. Which one is correct?'

And my favorite note, perhaps of all time. I asked her to call a Korean phone number to check that I had completed everything to book a walk across the Gwangalli bridge. When I asked her how it went, she got all shy and fluttery, and asked me to wait until she'd written it down.

'They'll send the material to need the day by delivery service.

So, it doesn't need anything

You have only to bring it. ^-^

*This grammar is wrong, so You're not able to understand ㅜ-ㅜ

Do you understand~? If you don't understand.

ask me again'

Ups and Downs

Last weekend was full of 'em. On balance, I'd say the ups have it, but that doesn't make those downs much easier to take when they come around.

It started so well - I left work on Friday totally exhausted, and went to grab a bite at the new kimbap place around the corner. Dinner was quick and delicious, and after dithering about whether to walk home or take the subway, I found a 50,000won note on the ground. Score. I decided karma really wanted me to walk home, and to buy some Cass Red on the way.

But then on Saturday, karma apparently had quite different plans for Lacey and I. Plans that involved trekking all over the place, but failing to complete any errands. The bank was shut (Turns out it is NEVER open outside my working hours. That's smart.), the outdoors shop IN NAMPO-DONG was in the process of moving to a new location, and the hairdresser was already booked up for the afternoon. Just one of those mornings you try to chalk up as 'character-building' while internally wishing your character would just bugger off already.

Thank goodness we managed to get to Dalmaji to see 'As You Like It' in the sunshine. For free! With snacks! And wine! After the play finished, we strolled down the hill to Haeundae beach. What with it being the first weekend that the beach was officially open, and two festivals being held there, there were just a few people dotted about. You know Koreans - they hardly ever congregate in overwhelmingly large numbers. We caught a little bit of the Busan International Dance Festival, which was totally mesmerizing, and decided to come back the next night to see more. Saturday ended happily with a lot of dancing and beer pong in an over-crowded bar on the 14th floor above Haeundae.

In case you thought Saturday morning's trials had earned us some good karma, you would be wrong. Very wrong. After a slow start, we set out to find a 'Korean Natural Food Restaurant'. Having been unable to find opening hours online, the restaurant was of course closed for the afternoon. Undaunted, we booked a table for the evening, and headed to the beach to kill some time in the sun. By the time our reservation time rolled around, we were seated in a cute little room at the restaurant and very hungry for some delicious vegetarian food. Only to find out that you have to book A DAY IN ADVANCE for the vegetarian option. Are you kidding?

Fortune smiled briefly upon us in the form of a vegan buffet restaurant within walking distance. Vegan restaurants always make me feel like I'm in candyland - I can eat everything! Nothing will make me sick! Ever! After the feast, we headed to a bar for a martini and a couple of games of darts. Thinking we still had a couple of hours to go before the dance festival, we took our time getting to Haeundae.

We arrived to find a much larger crowd than Saturday night, and a man spinning on his head on stage. Impressive. The group left the stage, we sat down, and the announcers started wrapping up the evening's events. What. Disappointment was severe. I mean really severe. I mean I didn't even want a beer to ease the pain severe. Bad times.

Thank goodness it was a holiday weekend, and we had Monday to do something fun. I'd read about a small stone temple in Busan, and read that it really isn't very far away, or hard to get to (Lonely Planet advice notwithstanding). Mercifully, our information was good, and the temple was exactly where it should have been, and exactly as impressive as described. And we had makkeolli. I didn't quite believe that our luck had returned, but when we headed to PNU to get some food, we discovered that Maya had re-opened! WOOOOOOOO!

Could this awesome day get any better? Oh yes, yes it could. Because then we walked off all that delicious Indian food on the way to the German brew-pub in Oncheonjang, where we drank delicious beers. That must be enough 'up' for one day right? Oh no, because then we went to spa land to take a delicious bath and enjoy a delicious sit down. I definitely understand the 'sitting around' part of the spa experience better now that I have a smaller apartment: it's for when you don't want to go home, but you do want to be AT home.

After all that, Korea and I are getting along ok again, but I sure wish she'd tone down the drama sometimes.

Poor Monster

Last Monday morning, my co-teacher told me the monster was at the hospital, and would be coming in late. In Korea, a kid going to the hospital doesn't mean much - they go for colds and minor ailments pretty regularly - but a 4-year-old with a fever is a kid I had hoped would be allowed to stay home. No such luck. The doctors found him to be 'not severely sick' and so he was dropped off just before lunchtime, and announced his arrival by crying. Actually, the first sound I heard was a petulant whine that I knew within half a second was his. I've definitely spent too much time with this kid.

After lunch, I politely inquired if our little charge had eaten any of his lunch, and was informed that no, he had not, and indeed he had vomited on the floor. But not to worry - "sometimes he makes himself vomit by crying too much." Lovely. So glad he wasn't 'severely sick'. Honestly, at this point I felt awful for the poor sod. He was obviously OBVIOUSLY a sick little guy and desperate for sleep. Indeed, within a few seconds of me turning around to get his favorite song ready on the computer, he'd fallen asleep at his desk and started drooling on his hand. No fake sleeping this time.

The next day was a holiday, and then on Wednesday he was kept home again. Turns out he had food poisoning. On Thursday he still couldn't really talk (I think he had mouth ulcers) but he'd been bored at home and told his mom he was going to school. He was an angel almost the whole day: he found creative ways to express himself through thumbs-up and thumbs-down, and managed to get through the same amount of worksheets as he usually does.

He's actually been good almost all of this week too. With the exception of that day when he decided he WOULD NOT go to the bathroom, despite showing clear signs of desperation. He held out so long, that he ended up peeing in his pants. I genuinely have no idea what triggered this behavior; he does sometimes 'hold out' on going to the bathroom, but had always given in pretty quickly. Whatever the cause, the embarrassment must have gotten to him because he could not have been nicer that afternoon. And he hasn't refused an offer to go to the bathroom since.